WANT YOUR NEEDS; ENJOY YOUR WANTS

This stren addresses the good feelings we waste because of the unnecessary misery we create.   Most persons lack the “mental vitamin” contained in this stren.  If you already have it, you won’t benefit much from this stren; if you lack what this stren offers, you will benefit dramatically.

            I have observed many persons who lack wealth, health, education, aren’t good looking, and/or have “used up” most of their life; yet they lead joyous lives and exhibit chronic enthusiasm.  You likely know others born with a “golden spoon,” who have virtually all the “desired” things you would want for yourself, and yet he/she is quite miserable.  Some such “have it all,” or “more than enough,” people, even murder themselves!  What is the ingredient the “feel good/do good” have that the “do lousy” lack?  This is what I observe makes the difference.

            People who thrive on life focus on their needs.  They generate chronic enthusiasm.  In our country, most persons have all that they need.  Persons who primarily focus on their wants are those who are most likely to experience unhappiness, depression, jealousy, apathy, and chronic dissatisfaction. 

            I am certainly not suggesting that wanting and seeking are inappropriate.  The mere task is to recognize, appreciate, and create the satisfaction there “for our making” when we can fulfill what we need.  Given the choice between wealth and poverty, health and illness, good looks or their lack, and so on, virtually always pick and strive for the former!  Make any success a “bonus” to the good feelings we create beyond obtaining what we need.  Maintain an attitude of gratitude!  We can teach ourselves to want our needs and additionally enjoy what portion of our wants we have experienced, have now, or might yet attain in the future.    

            What are our needs?   Survival is a need.  Without life, there is no need.  We also need adequate food, warmth, and shelter.  I believe we need to learn to be a good friend to ourselves and/or perhaps create a sense of belonging, since we are a part of the larger system to which we belong.  Becoming a good traveling companion to our self is a skill readily acquired, viz. see the strens in this Guide.  Indeed, most individual misery is self-created; we are so often our own worst enemy.  Most organisms have a biologic need to reproduce.  They risk their lives to carry out the gene inspired automatic programs they inherit.  While we may “want” to reproduce our kind, for us this is no longer a “need.”  Many persons deliberately choose to have no offspring and some who do, regret it.   Sexual “tension” is readily resolved.   Do you see that likely you already have what you really need and/or can obtain it. 

            Most persons create their own life’s dissatisfaction because they expect and demand that they satisfy their unrealistic “wants.”  Again, power, fame, wealth, health, youth, appearance, a 100% compatible mate, and on-and-on to infinity are goals worthy of striving for.  Such pursuits are especially enjoyable when learn to pat our self on our back for making our “reasonable best” effort.  [See especially The Reasonable Best stren.]  Our reasonable best is an “input” measure of success we can always attain, certainly worthy of self-endorsement.  We create our dissatisfaction when we measure our worth and success by unreasonable output measures such as, Did I get what I want?  Did I win?  Did I best the “other”?  What didn’t I get that I should have?  Do you see how people tend to “should” on themselves?  Perfectionists are most skilled at creating their own misery.  Do you ever attack yourself?  Do you recognize your favorite methods?  How productive is self-blame?  On the other hand, how commonly do you endorse yourself?  Are you well skilled?  Enthusiastic?  Do you direct your thinking to what you have attained?  Have now?  May yet attain?   How often do you dwell on what you have lost?  Don’t have now?  May never get?

            Example:  At an auction, I saw a great desk that I really wanted.  I foolishly stopped bidding at far less than it was worth to me.  For some time after the auction, thoughts popped into my mind, “What a … … (expletives!) I am; I should kick myself!”  Such inherited and acquired mental partners are regular traveling companions and can be viciously critical.  However, I have learned that dwelling on the negative, and self-putdowns provide no benefit.  I remind myself that while I would like the desk, I certainly don’t need it.  Indeed I have “more than enough.”  Making a mistake does not make me a fool.  Beating myself for “spilled milk” is foolish but will necessarily and repeatedly occur, as I am wise enough to recognize that I am far less than perfect.  I work to pat myself on the back for recognizing my shortcoming and learning from it rather than nonproductively adding to the losses that are part of life’s experience.  Get the point?  We are our lifelong, ever present, traveling companion.  Becoming our best friend on a consistent basis requires work.  It is worth the effort!  It’s quite learnable and doable.  

            I realize this “auction/desk” example is relatively insignificant compared to our more serious, sometimes life and death issues:  “This fatal disease is unfair.”  “I should have stopped smoking before ….”  “I should look better, I’m … and ….”  “I can’t stand ….”  “He/she/they/God must love me or I ….”   “I lost … and I will never get him/her/it back.”  We too readily get stuck in the unreasonable “prescriptions” we say to our self.

            Consider this:  If you knew you had one day to live, would you waste that time lamenting your fate?  Could you more wisely do your reasonable best to make the most of the time available to you?  You likely have “many days” but realize that all of us have a limited allotment of life.  Our time is precious!  Enthusiastically work to direct your energy to make the best of the tick…tick…tick of every second available to you.           

            Who (what) determines where you focus your thinking?  You can become the director of your thinking!  Are you more likely to think wisely or foolishly?  If you think foolishly, this does not make you a fool.  When you do acknowledge to your self that you think and/or act foolishly, you can appropriately learn to give yourself a pat on the back, because your “discovery” will allow you to proceed to wisely act to correct your thinking and to learn from your stupid acts.  The Guide’s strens are a course in “thought control.”  And, certainly, you are not limited to this Guide.  Focusing on the donut more so than the hole and developing an “attitude of gratitude” is such an important “mental vitamin.”  I hope you possess at least your MDR (minimum daily requirement) of gratitude and obtain whatever amount of this mental vitamin you can yet use.