Introduction to the vocabulary for a newer way of thinking (ANWOT)

          The Guide’s first strens explain how to become one’s own best friend because this skill is so basic to taking charge of our life, including feeling good and “doing good.”  While considering the self-endorsement strens, try to apply the word substitutions here briefly introduced: they powerfully update the manner we think to increase personal responsibility and self-mastery, and diminish dependency and blaming.  Fuller explanation is provided in other vocabulary strens.

          Words convey meaning.  Certain words may be likened to a light switch.  They are the means we may turn-on or off the path energy is processed to reach a preferred outcome.  These trigger-words redirect the manner of thinking we acquire during our prolonged nurturance and dependency to alternative paths that promote self-mastery, responsibility, and problem-solving.  The process is quite easy!  When reasonable, simply substitute the words in the right hand column for the words in the left hand column.   Most of the time, the change will “fit.”

Early native language dependency words dichotomous “2 category” words either ... or	→	Substitute ANWOT self-mastery words analog “continuous”  words both ... and
prescriptive words should, have to, must, ought to when, could	→	descriptive words [I] prefer, choose, would like, am wise when, could
dependency words he/ she (they, it, God) makes me ….	→	responsibility words I allow ….

          Dichotomous words force our thinking into two categories: my [their/its] choices of action are “either right or wrong,” “either good or bad,” “this way or that.”   “You’re either with us, or against us.”  “Do you love me or my sister (or her)?”  Either … or thinking is useful during our years of physical and mental immaturity, when our skills for processing ideas are not sufficiently developed to reflect on the complexities of our world.   Dichotomous thinking is a major source of problems in later life if we don’t acquire ANWOT. 

          Analog “continuous” words, both … and, more realistically convey that most of the difficult choice-making we deal with has both positives and negatives.   Thus, when, possible, substituting “both ... and,” “both this and that,” “the positives and the negatives” of each alternative, will reflect a more accurate “picture” of the issue at hand.  Your thinking will reflect that there are usually positives and negatives, “pluses and minuses” in the choices available to us.  Rather than obsess that we make the right choice, we best direct our energy to making our choice right.  So often, there are relatively equal +’s and –‘s to each of our alternatives.   The outcome of our choice will depend more on how we manage our choice than doing what is “right.”  We have no difficulty choosing between a garbage salad and a fruit salad.  Choices become difficult the more balanced the alternatives.  When alternatives are unequally balanced, choice-making is easy.     

          I find the following example helps me to understand the difference between dichotomous and analog.  The old fashioned watches (and some current ones) have hands that have a continuous movement; this continuous movement is called an analog watch.  The hands of the newer watches jump from one number to the next, from one digit to the next.  It is called a digital watch.  The hand is on either the 1 or 2 or 3 and so on.   The connecting “in-between” is left out.  Substituting “both ... and” for “either ... or” in your thinking will promote more effective management of your thinking, feelings, and actions. 

          Prescriptive words such as those in the left column are important in our early stage of development when parents, the community, and other “authorities” require that we conform to a specific pattern of behavior.   If the “shoulds” are disobeyed, they usually carry a penalty imposed by the outside authority such as withholding approval, a restriction, shame, and even physical punishment.  Prescriptive words convey that decision-making, personal responsibility, and mental freedom are limited, “Don’t even think about it!”  During our immature years, prescriptive words serve an important purpose, usually keeping us out of harms way.  They are not conducive to independent thinking.  Quite the opposite, prescriptive words, when processed, mean some one, some other, or some thing is the authority whose direction “must” be unquestionably obeyed.   
     
          Descriptive words such as those in the right column convey a message that emphasizes problem-solving thinking and choosing among alternatives.   As our brain and emotions mature, we acquire the potential to develop “response-ability,” self-mastery.  Descriptive words foster thinking that leads to independence from the more automatic habit patterns acquired over many years of practice.

          Prescriptive words usually “connect” to an outcome suggesting the person, situation, group, country, religion, or thing that “did what it shouldn’t have done” (or didn’t do what it should have) deserves some form of punishment.  Prescriptive words foster dependency, prejudice, blaming, resentment, and destructive aggression.  Much of the self-blame and putdowns that result in feeling bad, inappropriate guilt, and depression are also due to prescriptive thinking.  Descriptive words usually stimulate problem-solving thinking that invites corrective learning to seek an outcome that makes the best bargain with the situation, for now and in the future.

          While yet working on the becoming your own best friend strens,” also listen for the frequency you use dichotomous and/or prescriptive words.  You may find it easier if you first listen for the frequency others tend to rely on the dichotomous “either…or” words and/or the prescriptive “should” words of our native language.  Can you recognize that this early manner of processing information is the basis of blaming others and blaming or guilting our self?  This is the source of much prejudice (pre-judged values), and the distorted thinking labeled “generalization.”  Examples are: A. “I don’t like Bill and Joe.  They each have beards.  Therefore, most people who have beards are to be avoided.”  B. “Fido growls; therefore most dogs are dangerous.” 

          Dependency thinking becomes our habitual manner of processing information throughout our first decades when we are nurtured and directed by others to conform to their ways.  When they and/or the world fail to satisfy, we naturally hold the other responsible.  Dependency thinking supports unreasonable expectations and blaming.  It is also the major source of prejudice (pre-judgment) and blind obedience to authority.

          Responsibility words such as I allow, I permit, stimulate problem-solving thinking and personal “response-ability” more so than the too common, virtually automatic, blaming mental pattern of response to perceived injustice.

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          Practice in these three simple word substitutions powerfully changes the manner we process information from dependency, blaming, prejudice, conflict and harmful aggression to personal responsibility, creativity, and constructive problem-solving.  With repetition, the newer manner of thinking will replace the no-longer-appropriate first manner of thinking.  The new processing of information will become automatic and virtually effortless.  Elaboration of these important trigger-words may be found in vocabulary strens: [The] Language of Self-mastery; Either…or, Both…and; Cash in Your Anger; and throughout the Guide.